You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
