Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I will pee on everything he values.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
