oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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