Quick, to the slutcave!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
