she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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