You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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