just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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