I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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