Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize