I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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