Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
