I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
