i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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