I'm jealous of your bromance
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
