Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
