census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
