a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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