Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
