Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
