Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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