We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
pray to the hookup gods
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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