I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
