wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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