ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
