Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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