Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
