He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Randomize
