I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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