i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
