R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize