I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
True strength comes from lack of pants
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
