the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
