i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
