Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize