Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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