I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
