garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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