I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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