we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
