If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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