it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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