never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Naked Twister starts at high noon
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
