Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
