Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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