Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize