Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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