So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just puked most of my soul out..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
