Cold hands, warm shart.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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