dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
