I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
