id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
