Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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