High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
