Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
