You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
