Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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