My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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