so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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