I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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