So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
