Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I need moral support for this bender
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
