Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
there is glitter all over my balls
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize