I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
