I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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