found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
