dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
