I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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