Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
