You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He felt like a one man threesome
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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