Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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