i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
