just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
