I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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