I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
In America we eat man semen.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
