I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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