dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Is Oprah even human
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
