You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
