i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
NoShamevember. You game?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
