I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize