Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
