either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
