I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
