Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
