is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
