either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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