Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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