Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
