you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
