What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize