I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If I die, sorry about rent.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
