made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
