Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
