Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
