ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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