and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
