I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize