Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
