Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Boobs speak an international language.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
