How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
