He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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