it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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