When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
