Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
