Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
