i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
