i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
two words...techno handjob
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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