I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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