We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
