How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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