Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize